When I first quit my job to reevaluate my priorities in life and spend more time with Cordelia we did a lot stuff. Every week had to have a planned adventure, and art project, and a sewing project and the house had to be perfectly clean. When I spent all of my time working, or stuck in traffic I thought about all of the things I could do if I was a stay at home mom/independent crafts-person. I was going to be great. I would teach Cordelia amazing things, I would coupon clip, plan great grocery lists, cook amazing meals, finally get my house clean, and then on top of it all I would build an amazing Etsy shop- and then start selling my stuff at craft fairs.
Looking back on it I understand I set myself up for failure, no one knows how hard it is to be a stay at home mom until they try it. It seems impossible to ever get enough time to build an inventory for the store, and cleaning a home with a small child in it is akin to shoveling snow during a blizzard. No matter how hard or how fast you work you will never find the sidewalk before it's covered in more snow. Also- I think I might hate meal planning and dinner cooking with a passion. No one ever talks about how as a SHM trying to start a business how hard it is to manage quality time with your kid. So, after trying for a year to make things work (and failing) I am enrolled back in school- so I can try my hand in another field.
But, man I am tired. Fridays are my "day off" and it is the day Cordelia and I have "us" time. I'm trying to use Friday to soak up mother daughter bonding time instead of trying to mark everything off my impossible "to do" list. She is growing in leaps and bounds, I often wonder where my tiny little baby went. I spend a lot of my time both wishing time would speed up and slow down at the same time- I think "it will be soo much easier once school is done and I have a job and we can live someplace with more space and I won't feel guilty spending time away from Miss C because she will be in School" but at the same time I feel painfully aware of the fact that I just want to soak up every second with Cordelia because she will never be three and a half again- one day she won't want me to kiss her boo-boos or hold her on my lap while we watch Totoro for the nine hundredth time.
It seems imperative to do less and enjoy more. Since the weather has been so nice we have been trying to do a nature walk every day- it helps give Cordelia more things to explore and the nice air cheers me up and helps me really focus on her. Today I thought I would mix it up and go to the Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens. I almost didn't bring my camera so I wouldn't spend all of my time fussing with it- but last minute I grabbed it. I must have done a good job focusing on Cordelia and the camera because I shot all of my photos in the wrong settings!
All of them except this one- which I took as we were leaving. Do any of you mamas have any advice for managing your to do lists and your spirits and keeping your focus on your kids? I'll take any helpful hints!
