Some
days I wonder why time won't move any faster. I'm sure you know what I mean,
the days you pray you make it till nap time, or you watch the clock and wonder
why 5 o'clock wont hurry up. As someone who suffers from depression some days I
can't put my finger on what makes the day so long- why is seems that smiling
and focusing on what someone is saying is painful, and hard. Some days are like
walking through quicksand.
Some days time moves too fast.
It's really weird how time can speed up in
leaps and bounds. If I sit and think I can clearly remember what baby Cordelia
smelled like. I can remember how she would wobble when she would try to pull
herself up to sit. Her silly giggle, her funny faces when she ate, how tiny her
fingers were. She was always so warm that when we would fall asleep together I
would wake up covered in sweat. I remember how we would read "The Very
Hungry Caterpillar" to her over and over, and when we would turn to the
part when the caterpillar turned into a beautiful butterfly her eyes would get
so big and she would look soo surprised.
I wish I could slow time down. Sure it's
nice to sleep all the way through the night, but I can remember how peaceful it
was rocking Cordelia to sleep in the middle of the night, when it was just the
two of us. I try not to dwell on these things too much. I cannot slow time
down, I know that. At least one person stops me each day to remind me to enjoy
my daughter while she is young because she will be a teenager before I know
it.
Next year I wonder what I will remember
about this year. I hope I remember the look of determination on her face
whenever she unwraps a crayon, or when she trys to open her fruit snacks by
herself. How insanely independent she is, and the way she can make strangers
laugh. I know I will remember how she grabs both my checks when she gives me
kisses, how she hugs tight with both arms now, how when she is tired she climbs
in your lap and snuggles like you are the most comfortable thing in the
world.
:*)
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