Some days I wonder why time won't move any faster. I'm sure you know what I mean, the days you pray you make it till nap time, or you watch the clock and wonder why 5 o'clock wont hurry up. As someone who suffers from depression some days I can't put my finger on what makes the day so long- why is seems that smiling and focusing on what someone is saying is painful, and hard. Some days are like walking through quicksand.
Some days time moves too fast.
It's really weird how time can speed up in leaps and bounds. If I sit and think I can clearly remember what baby Cordelia smelled like. I can remember how she would wobble when she would try to pull herself up to sit. Her silly giggle, her funny faces when she ate, how tiny her fingers were. She was always so warm that when we would fall asleep together I would wake up covered in sweat. I remember how we would read "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to her over and over, and when we would turn to the part when the caterpillar turned into a beautiful butterfly her eyes would get so big and she would look soo surprised.
I wish I could slow time down. Sure it's nice to sleep all the way through the night, but I can remember how peaceful it was rocking Cordelia to sleep in the middle of the night, when it was just the two of us. I try not to dwell on these things too much. I cannot slow time down, I know that. At least one person stops me each day to remind me to enjoy my daughter while she is young because she will be a teenager before I know it.
Next year I wonder what I will remember about this year. I hope I remember the look of determination on her face whenever she unwraps a crayon, or when she trys to open her fruit snacks by herself. How insanely independent she is, and the way she can make strangers laugh. I know I will remember how she grabs both my checks when she gives me kisses, how she hugs tight with both arms now, how when she is tired she climbs in your lap and snuggles like you are the most comfortable thing in the world.